Today’s blog post came together over the course of the day today.

In Elder’s Quorum we discussed the conference talk from the October 2019 general conference by L. Todd Budge entitled “Consistent and Resilient Trust”.

If you recall that talk it begins with a letter Elder Budge received from his missionary son, who, despite being hospitalized, said that he felt peace and had never been so consistently and resiliently happy.

I remember those days. I remember feeling happier than I’d ever been before while on my mission, despite the hardship of mission life and constant rejection.

I agree with Elder Budge that the happiness, joy and hope we can feel through tribulation comes from faith in Christ. To add to his talk, there was something more specific I would attribute my consistent and resilient happiness to on my mission.

The lectures on faith teach that the final piece of knowledge you must have in order to have the faith necessary for salvation is “a knowledge that the course you are pursuing is in accordance to the will of God.” When you know that what you are doing is in accordance to the will of God, any trial or obstacle becomes easier to bear, because you recognize it as part of the path you were chosen to walk, that it will ultimately be for your good, and that God’s blessing will come. Contrast this with trials you go through when you’re not sure that what you are doing is in accordance with the will of God – you question whether the trial is self-inflicted, or even a punishment for not being on the path.

On a mission you are on the Lord’s errand 24/7. You are exactly where you should be, doing what the Lord wants you to do. Disobedience on the mission can lead to a feeling of being off the path, but if you’re trying you should have that knowledge that what you are doing is in accordance to the will of God. I did. I feel that same way at church on Sunday – there is no other place I’m supposed to be, no higher priorities, no questioning if I’m doing the right thing. But post mission, and after church, where your options of which path to take – what should I do now – open up to near limitless possibilities, then the questions start coming. The doubts begin to fly. Is this really my highest priority? Would God rather I do something else right now, or with my life? With those questions in mind, that knowledge of being on the right path is gone and that consistent and resilient happiness evaporates.

In a blog post I’ve yet to finish I use an analogy of the Lord’s garden. I believe that once you begin your labor in the Lord’s garden, what you do in the Lord’s garden is often left to you. Do you want to plant roses or tulips? Build a sitting bench or a gazebo? All of this metaphorically speaking of course, but meaning that whatever we choose to do to help bring to pass the eternal life of man is good and likely acceptable and accepted by God; and if He really wants you to do something specific in your spot of the garden he’s designated for you, he’ll let you know. That said, I seem to constantly question whether I’m actually laboring in the Lord’s garden or my own.

This was on my mind tonight when I went to eat with my in-laws for Sunday dinner. My brother-in-law was also in town, and he presented a slide show presentation that he and my sister-in-law created regarding his auto accident in 2011 that left him with a traumatic brain injury.

In 2011, we were about to celebrate his second bout of cancer having gone into remission by having a guys weekend at a ski resort over Martin Luther King weekend. On his way from Arizona to Utah an elk jumped in front of his car while he was going 60 miles per hour. Hitting the elk peeled the rough of the car back and pinned him against his own seat. Seeing the pictures of his car post-accident you wonder how anyone could have survived. My brother-in-law almost didn’t. I remember the fear and anxiety when we were told the news of his accident. We all hoped and prayed. After nine years, he’s still alive, but still suffers from many of the effects of his injuries – he has significant short-term memory loss, he has a stiff gait, his personality has changed, and his vision is somewhat impaired. The lingering damage done from the accident keeps him from being employed, which is one of the hardest things for him. He was a successful engineer prior to his accident, and remembers this well. He would love to go back to work, to not feel limited, to feel that this lot he has been given still has meaning and value. Which reminded me of one of my favorite poems by Meade MacGuire entitled “Father, where shall I work today?”

‘Father, where shall I work today?
And my love flowed warm and free.
Then he pointed out a tiny spot
And said, ‘Tend that for me.’
I answered quickly, ‘Oh no, not that!’
Why, no one would ever see,
No matter how well my work was done.
Not that little place for me.’
And the word he spoke, it was not stern;
‘Art thou working for them or for me?’
Nazareth was a little place,
And so was Galilee.’

Mark, we love you. I can’t imagine how difficult this trial is for you. I know you wouldn’t have chosen this lot, and it’s heartbreaking to see your pain and feel helpless to fix it. But I know this one-in-a-million event didn’t happen by chance. The Lord chose you to tend a specific spot in His garden. I don’t know how big or small it is, but I know it is yours and I know you’re capable of beautifying it for Him and those He wants to show it to. I pray you’ll know this. I pray you’ll know that despite this hardship that this errand you are on is in accordance with the will of the Lord, and I pray that through that knowledge you will find that consistent and resilient happiness.