I was recently having a conversation where marriage was being discussed. The person I was talking to said that after so many years of marriage they look back and feel that there were likely better partners for each other. This comment was made after this person had explained some of the differences and difficulties in their marriage. The way that this conservation went, I don’t believe this person is on the cusp of divorce, but the message did seem to be that had they not gotten married and kept looking around they would have found a “better” partner or the “right” partner, but I am not convinced that a difficult marriage means that it is not the “right” marriage.

If we look at the plan of salvation and how this life works, the bottom line of it could be summed up as “personal growth through opposition;” or “personal growth through overcoming difficulty.” That is how we become like our Heavenly Father – by facing and overcoming challenge and obstacle gives us the opportunity to develop God like characteristics and attributes. It appears to be a natural law that we cannot develop these characteristics and attributes without challenge, without difficulty. For example, patience; it is obvious that we can’t develop or deepen our patience without it being tried. This is the way. This is “right.” Therefore, just because a marriage contains difficulty, doesn’t mean that it isn’t “right”, or even that it’s not what God wants for you. Marriage, this joining of two people, is one of the best environments to develop God like attributes, so shouldn’t we expect difficulty and challenge?

One of the biggest challenges we face as a society today is ease. Life has gotten so much easier, which conversely has made life so much harder. Because we have television remote controls, getting up to change a channel on the television is “so much harder.” Because I have a game I can play on the phone in my hand, going and getting out and setting up a board game is “so much harder.” Because I have a dishwasher, washing dishes by hand when the dishwasher goes out is “so much harder.” Again, getting up and changing a channel on the television, setting up a board game, or hand washing dishes really are not difficult, time-consuming, labor-intensive tasks, but they do take more effort than the easier modern alternative and therefore we would rather not do the more difficult version of a task to achieve the same result. But the reality is, we don’t grow and we don’t become stronger through ease.

Because life has become so easy in so many aspects of our lives, we seem to now believe that life should be easy in all aspects of our lives. We experience cognitive dissonance now when we experience something difficult and ask ourselves, “this can’t be right, there must be an easier way.” This attitude of ease has crept into our marriages. It may be true that had you kept looking, or if you get divorced and try again, you may find an “easier” marriage, but if the purpose of this life is to grow, to become something greater through challenge, would that easier marriage be the “right” marriage for you? I don’t know; maybe, or maybe you are exactly where you’re supposed to be. More food for thought: in reality aren’t most marriage relationships hard because one or both parties have underdeveloped attributes like patience, mercy, kindness, faith, etc.?

Finding happiness in your marriage despite its difficulties and believing it is still the right marriage is going to require some changes to the perceptions being pushed upon us by society today. We’re going to have to exercise faith in that principle that we become something greater through challenge. We’re going to have to push back on the current societal notion that easier is always better. And we’re going to have to accept that overcoming challenges requires work and effort i.e. you’re going to have to work in your marriage. Now I get it, I’ve heard it before, “life is hard enough, my marriage shouldn’t be this hard.” I understand. But I believe in today’s society the want for something to be easier is always going to be there. So I’ll say it again, if your marriage is difficult does that mean it is not “right?”, I don’t know, maybe, or maybe you are exactly where you’re supposed to be.